What To Say When People Ask Why You're Still Single

1. Don’t answer, just clutch your large copy of Pride and Prejudice and begin wailing. I find wailing always works quite well.
2. Let everybody know how much sex you are having at bars, inside the bathrooms covered in Dial soap and the body scent of somebody who has lost their way.
3. Tell them how terrible your personality is, you even use the word ‘irregardless’ and have no idea the difference between then and than.
4. Distract them by causing physical pain, I heard a pinch to the armpit while singing “Your Song” is something I’ve done.
5. I’m happy, who’s asking? Kind of like a mob boss in something where mob bosses have cigars in their mouths and a bit threatening

By: A. Nugent